The Count's World 13: The Chunks of Glitz
by The Great Allie
Summary: O'Chunks leaves the castle to become a professional fighter. Unfortunately, not everyone is happy about that. In fact, some one might be unhappy enough to bring the fight out of the ring! Can O'Chunks prove himself as a true warrior?
1. 13 dash 1

So this one day, Mimi and Dimentio weren't speaking to each other. They spent the whole day as far away from each other as possible. In Castle Bleck, that's no small distance. Mr. L was shut up in the garage working on Brobot, installing upagrades and performing regular maintenance. O'Chunks spent his time working out in the gym, as any good warrior should.

In short, it was quiet.

"Do you hear that, Timpani?" said Count Bleck as he strolled through his castle, his wife fluttering at his side. "The sweet sound of peace finally settling on my household."

"It won't last," said Tippi.

"Don't I know it. At least when it's quiet like this I can pretend that peace has found us at last."

"It won't last," she said again.

"Hush, dear."

Of course, it didn't last. They were passing the gym, discussing the weather and other such things, when peace abandoned Dimension Bleck mercilessly and trouble reared it's ugly head. Suprisingly, though, it was in the form of O'Chunks.

By pure chance, peace bolted the moment Count Bleck and Tippi were passing by the gym. O'Chunks suddenly, and seemingly without provication, burst out of t he door, ran into the hallway, saw his master, and threw himself shaking at Count Bleck's cape.

"Oh, dear," said Tippi.

"Ah, me Count!" O'Chunks howled. "I ehn't fit teh be yer muscle anymore! I don't even deserve teh sully yer castle wit' me foul presence!"

Count Bleck stared blankly down at O'Chunks, blubbering at his feet.

"Told you," said Tippi.

Count Bleck cleared his throat. "O'Chunks," he said, "Please, compose yourself and tell Count Bleck what the trouble is."

O'Chunks gulped in some air and stood up, shaking. "Ah, Count, "I'm getting' useless. I let meself go idle fer too long. I can't even lift the Brobot no more! Me chunks are barely crumbs! I'm no warior- I'm just a slug!"

Count Bleck puckered his pumpkin mouth to keep from groaning outwardly. "Now, now, O'Chunks. Your place here is set."

"As what? Yeh really need a slug like this teh serve yeh?"

Now Count Bleck felt very guilty. First and foremost, it was on his orders that the minions were no longer on the offensive. Because of that he didn't have much use for a boss-powered fighter. Most of the opponents they had to face were random encounters, ones that were easy to push out of the way. O'Chunks, simply put, was wasted here.

Of course, he had a much worse reason to feel guilty, and it was a doozy. He'd gotten O'Chunks to work for him by preying on his insecurities and frailties, and in doing so made him completely dependant on the approval of Count Bleck. Without that, the poor man didn't even think he had any reason to live. It wasn't fair to him, and it wasn't nice.

It wasn't right. O'Chunks was a fine warrior who deserved more than to be trapped under the thumb of a shoddy relic of power. In that instant, Count Bleck made a snap decision.

"You're right," said Count Bleck.

"Eh? Whassat?"

"It's not fair of me to keep you here where your magnificent potential is restrained. I've been a bad master."

"Wha—no, Count, I wasn't sayin—"

Count Bleck waved his hand. "No, you aren't. This is what Count Bleck has decided. You must leave the castle and find a place that deserves your raw power."

"Don't' send me away, Count! I can do better!"

"I know you can. Count Bleck his holding you back. You must be free, O'Chunks."

"But—"

"Count Bleck orders it."

O'Chunks was completely flabbergasted. This was the absolute last thing he expected to come out of the conversation. But the Count was clearly serious. "A- well, all right. I'll pack my stuff an' be outta yer hair." He trudged away sadly.

The Count watched him go, already doubting that he had done the right thing in releasing him. At the very least, he assumed he'd chosen a poor way to do it.

Tippi said, "I told you so."

"My love, will you do me a favor?"

"Yes?"

"Stay close to him and make sure he doesn't kill himself."

"You're a stellar leader, Blumiere." Tippi gave him a peck on his face and fluttered off down the hall.

* * *

Later, in the meeting room.

"Minions!"

"Hail Bleck!"

"It is with regret that I call this meeting," said Count Bleck.

"Why?" asked Mr. L. "We haven't done anything wrong."

"No, this time that his not the case." Count Bleck lowered his hat. "Surely you have noticed the absence among us tonight?"

"Um… Nastasia? Nastasia's not here?"

Nastasia, who was next to the Count as always, raised her hand. "Yeah, I'm right here."

"Oh, that's good!"

"Minions, use your minds. Who isn't here?"

"Dimentio isn't here," said Mimi.

"Mimi, Dimentio is right—"

"No, he isn't." She crossed her arms and pouted.

Dimentio pointed at Mimi. "She isn't, either."

Count Bleck turned aside. "Give me strength," he muttered. Then he turned back and said, "Minions, is O'Chunks really so invisible that you don't notice him gone?"

"I think the answer to that is pretty obvious," said Mr. L.

"O'Chunks has left the organization to pursue other opportunities," said Nastasia. "Yeah, so we're all going to have to work hard to fill up the space left by him until permanent arrangements can be made."

"Very well," said Dimentio. "I shall attempt to master his dialect, and Mimi can continue raiding the snack cabinet when she thinks nobody is looking."

"If you were here I'd be _so_ mad at you."

"I'm afraid I can't hear you, for you are in a different room."

Nastasia cleared her throat. "Yeah, guys? I'm gonna have to ask you to go ahead and stop pretending you aren't here. It was cute at first, but now it's getting a little annoying. 'K?"

"What are you fighting about this time?" asked Mr. L.

"They bicker because Dimentio has an deep infatuation for Mimi and doesn't wish to admit it," said Count Bleck.

Dimentio sputtered. "That—I—most certainly—but--- I can assure you, oh Count, and anyone else, that it is most certainly not the case. I despise the little wretch with every fiber of my being."

"The jester doth protest too much, methinks," said Count Bleck to Nastasia, who nodded in agreement.

Dimentio disappeared in a rage. Mimi, embarrassed, was gone as well. Mr. L looked up at Count Bleck and said, "Does he really?"

"I doubt it," replied Count Bleck. "I find that it's an effective way of muting his protests."

* * *

Several weeks passed without much word from O'Chunks. The minions went on several missions and succeeded in restoring peace to the world of Mousers and Bandits, who had been feuding over territory for months. They failed in returning the stolen diamonds to either party, but Mimi did suddenly become more protective of her closet than before, even though Dimentio assured everyone that she now kept her diary on the top shelf of her closet.

Nastasia was fixing breakfast one morning when the Count staggered into the room, more asleep than awake and more hungry than asleep. She poured him a cup of coffee and his glove groped the air in front of him until he found it. After two large sips he was able to say, "Good morning, Nastasia."

"Morning, Count," she replied. "Did you sleep well?"

"Never," said Count Bleck. He took another long drink of coffee.

"Yeah, so, we got a message from O'Chunks."

"Wonderful, said Count Bleck with as much enthusiasm as he could manage at this ungodly hour. How is he?"

"He's got a new job," said Nastasia, "and he would like very much for us all to come and see him."

Count Bleck emptied his cup of coffee. Now he was awake enough to pour himself a second cup, but too tired to add any cream or sugar. He gulped down half of it black, blistering the inside of his mouth, and then shook his head. The last cobwebs of sleep cleared from his eyes.

"Wonderful," said Count Bleck. "When shall—"

Suddenly he felt a tug on his cape. He turned around and saw Mimi behind him, tugging on his cape.

"May I help you?"

"Yeah," said Mimi. "So, um, I was wondering… do you have a body?"

Count Bleck stared for a second. "Bleck is Bleck," he told her. "What you see is what I am."

"So where does the coffee go when you drink it?"

He held out his cape to the endless star pattern it concealed. "This isn't a pattern," he told her. "My cape conceals the body of a vortex which leads into the vast emptiness of space. All that is and ever will be is concealed under this white cape and waistcoat."

"Really?"

"No. I am lying to you. Now, may I please finish my conversation with Nastasia?"

"Okay. Can I have some coffee?"

"Absolutely not, it will stunt your growth. Besides, you wouldn't like it."

"Aw, rats."

Mimi busied herself with colorful breakfast sugar cereal, leaving Count Bleck to finish his conversation with Nastasia.

"When shall we make the voyage?" asked Count Bleck, picking up right where they left off.

"It's not a far trip," said Nastasia. "We have a few blank days on the schedule until our next mission, so we can start today? Yeah, so it's a plan."

"Wonderful," said Count Bleck. "Where is O'Chunks now? Has he said?"

"Yeah," said Nastasia. "Basically, he's a major-league fighter in the Glitz Pit."


	2. 13 dash 2

_Sorry I forgot to put this on the header to my last story- I was going to do the Halloween special, but the files are gone. I don't know where they went, but they're gone. I have sadness because of it. I'll keep you updated if there are any changes._

* * *

Glitzville: a glamorous floating city miles above the unsavory city of Rogueport, this was a famous vacation spot for the rich, the fight enthusiasts, and people who were really big fans of hot dogs. Bright, glittering colors adorned every building, every signpost, every garment (those prone to seizures were advised not to vacation in Glitzville) and welcomed you with a big, loud exclamation, "THIS SURE IS GLITZVILLE, ALL RIGHT! WHOO!"

Count Bleck, Tippi, Nastasia, Dimentio, Mimi, and Mr. L all stepped off the blimp. Count Bleck tipped the Cheep Cheep driver ("If you do that, my Count, he will be expecting it every time," advised Dimentio) and they were off to find accommodations. Glitzville had famous four-star hotels that the rich fight enthusiasts stayed in to be right next to the action at all times. Unfortunately, these cost money, and the Count was a bit short. Instead they were staying further back in a dingy but otherwise pleasant little hovel. They rented three rooms- one for Count Bleck and Tippi, one for Nastasia and Mimi, and one for Mr. L and Dimentio.

They were getting settled in before going off to watch the fights. Dimentio immediately claimed his bed near the bathroom and away from the door. "I claim this territory in the name of Dimentio... Master of Dimensions, Pleaser of Crowds. As sovereign king of this bed, I declare that any man who dares cross the borders will be henceforth executed! So says Dimentio!"

"Give it a rest," said Mr. L. He jumped onto the other bed and declared, "Mine!" Then he rolled over and said, "That's how you claim a bed in a hotel, got it?"

"You have no flair."

* * *

Count Bleck and Nastasia went ahead to the Glitz Pit first, deciding not to bring the minions who would no doubt be rowdy until they were certain of the situation. It was a pleasent walk through the city to the main plaza. It looked like a big fight day, and a lot of people from all over were milling around outside. Hoggle's Hot Dog cart had an enormous line, and the Juice Bar looked full.

The entered the Glitz Pit. "Welcome to the Glitz Pit!" a Toad shouted from across the crowded room. He scampered up to them and waved his whole arm as a greeting.

"Ah... thank you."

The Glitz Pit was full of tourists. Apparently a big match was about to take place, and everybody was trying to rush in to get a good seat (the cheaper seats were first-come, first-serve) Count Bleck glided along the wall, holding Nastasia by the wrist so as not to get separated. They found the back entrance to the ring and locker rooms, which was being guarded by some sort of blue carrot man.

"Fighters Only, bub," said Blue Carrot Man. "Rawk Hawk and Li'l Gon will be signing autographs after today's matches."

Nastasia stepped up. "Yeah, so, we're here to see O'Chunks, 'k? We're really good friends of his."

"I'm sure," said Blue Carrot Man. "Step aside."

"He sent a letter requesting our visit," said Nastasia. She offered the Mailbox SP, but he wouldn't budge.

"Count Bleck demands to be let in." Count Bleck folded his gloves and glowered.

Blue Carrot Man's expression changed. "You're Count Bleck?"

"Ah--well-- the thing of it is, you see--" he stammered.

His fears did not come to pass. "Count Bleck. Why didn't you say so? He's been talking about you and yours nonstop since he got here. _Count _this, _me Blecky-boy _that... the minor-leagures used to tape his mouth shut 'till it pulled off his beard and he took 'em all out at once. They refused to fight him after that and he was bumped up to the major-leagues by default! But hey, what am I chewing your ear off for?" Blue Carrot Man stepped aside and opened the door. "Go on in, he's expecting you."

They headed down the hall in silence. The hall only had a few doors, but each one was guarded by another blue carrot man. As they rounded the corner, Nastasia said, still looking straight ahead, "Have you given any more thought to changing your name?"

"We've been through this, Nastasia, I can't simply--"

"Yeah, because I've been doing some calculations, 'k? And the number of towns that run you out on a rail would decrease by approximately 67% if you stopped introducing yourself as Count Bleck. Are we on the same page here?"

"Count Bleck will consider it."

They arrived at the door and Count Bleck knocked once, then three times quickly. There was a lot of rowdy noise coming from the locker room. In a moment, a Craw answered the door.

"Mis Jol-- oh, I'm sorry. Can I help you?"

"I'm here for O'Chunks," said Count Bleck.

The Craw turned his head. "O'Chunks! he called. "It's for you!" Satisfied that his work was done, he wandered away.

O'Chunks stepped forward, saw the Count, and his face exploded with elation. He picked him up and squeezed Count Bleck so tightly, Bleck was certain his head would pop.

"Count! Ey, how yeh been? Great teh see ya. Ah, Count, I gotta show yeh what ah'v been doing since I left!"

"Yes, yes, O'Chunks, it's a happy reunion please put me _down Count Bleck can't breathe._" The last words weren't so much spoken as wheezed out.

O'Chunks dropped hi. "Oh, sorry. I don't know me own strength anymore. I tell yeh, this pit's given me mah chunks back a hunnerd over!"

Count Bleck arranged himself. "Well, that's just wonderful."

"An' Miss Nastasia!" O'Chunks turned to her and seemed like he was about to give her a constrictor-style greeting but suddenly thought twice. He did, however, say, "Yer lookin' prettier'n a rare highland blossom in early spring."

"Thank you, O'Chunks." She straightened her glasses, and a twinge of red appeared on her cheeks.

"Boy, it's great teh see yeh," said O'Chunks, still beaming. He couldn't take his eyes off them, as if he were afraid that if he did, they would disappear. "Lemme introduce yeh around." For the first time they became aware of the small locker room crowd they were drawing, and O'Chunks pointed them all out. "That one who let yeh in, that's the Crawlin' Craw. We go 'ead-teh-'ead again next week fer charity. Those two are the Armored 'Arries, an' they stay at the bottom o' the major leagues and the top o' the minors. Don't talk teh me much. Sleepin' right now is The Fuzz, an' enjoy it while it lasts. Li'l Gon in't 'ere right now, or I'd show 'im to yeh."

Count Bleck moved a bit further into the room. The floor was littered with trash and mess- piles of old food containers like pizza boxes and hot dog wrappers made much of the litter, but laundry and papers were another big part. "Sorry 'bout the mess," said O'Chunks. "I was gonna clean it up, but yeh came so fast, and yeh know how busy chunkin' is."

"Fear not, O'Chunks, for Count Bleck will not judge you."

Nastasia wrinkled her nose. Obviously, she felt differently.

"'Ere's mah locker. I keep all me stuff in 'ere... gotta send it out for cleanin'. There's the toilet room, don't go innere. 'Ere's the bed, we can nap between matches..."

"Why doesn't it have sheets?" asked Nastasia. There were sheets crumpled on the floor a few feet away, but none on the bed that the Fuzzy was currently sleeping on.

"Oh, that." O'Chunks glanced at them and shrugged. "Yeah, they came off sometime las' month." That was his entire explanation, and he seemed satisfied with it.

"Well... O'Chunks..." Count Bleck looked around. "You certainly are doing well for yourself."

"This is nothin'" said "O'Chunks. Wait'll yeh see where I live full-time!"

They were interrupted just then. The door opened and Jolene stepped in. "Excuse me, boys," she said. "Didn't I ask you to clean up this locker room?"

"Sorry, Miss Jolene," said the fighters in unison.

"How about we get started on that, hmm?" She surveyed the room and spotted the mountain of laundry conveniently located right next to the empty laundry hamper. "Let's get started on the laundry right away, shall we? You know how I feel about that."

When she turned to leave, she bumped into Nastasia. They stared at each other a moment, straightened their glasses, and Jolene left.

"That's Jolene," said O'Chunks. "She runs the place."

Nastasia frowned. "There's something about her... I don't like her."

"Perhaps it's your imagination," said Count Bleck.

"Possibly."

They heard Jolene bump into someone on the way down the hall, and then the door was slammed open. The current champion fighter Rawk Hawk was standing in the doorway, seething. "I wanna talk to you, Chunky!"

"That's O'Chunks to you, ya fizzle-faddle."

"Rawk Hawk," said the Craw, who was standing nearest to Count Bleck. Count Bleck nodded.

"Whatever, man. I just wanted to give you one last chance to change your mind about tomorrow's big fight!"

"I ain't backin' down from a good fight! _You _should be comin '_ere _teh back down."

"Are you sure about that? I see your mommy and daddy already came to pick you up and take you home. Boo hoo, boo hoo."

"No, they came teh see me win! An' they're not me parents, either."

"Well, they'll be sending you home in a body bag if we mix it up in the ring."

Count Bleck turned to the Craw. "Please explain this to me."

"They're talking smack," said the Craw. "You know, since they're having a fight tomorrow, this is a sacred ritual."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

"I'm afraid I'm not up on the current trends of the sport," said Count Bleck. "It's quite barbaric, if you ask me."

"Oh. So now I guess I don't have to ask you."

"I suppose you don't."

A few more barbs were traded before Count Bleck asked, "The feathered one, he is the current champion?"

"Not hardly," said the Craw. "See, The Great Gonzolas is usually the reigning champ, but he only makes guest appearances these days. So he's kind of like the Honorary Champ. Prince Mush is the current regular champ. Last week Li'l Gon actually beat him, and now it looks like he's gonna loose to O'Chunks. Can you imagine? How the mighty have fallen."

Rawk Hawk was about to storm out. His parting shot was, "You'd better watch out, O'Chunks. I _will _be winning the match tomorrow, and don't you forget it." And he slammed the door behind him. His huge feet could be heard clomp-clomp-clomping down the hallway.

"Pathetic," said Nastasia.

"Yeah," said O'Chunks.

* * *

O'Chunks treated his friends to dinner with his winnings of the day. There were, of course, many fine dining establishments meant to squeeze money out of people who, against all odds, still had some by the end of the day, O'Chunks chose to take them to the most famous of all- Hoggle's Hot Dog Stand. There were several outdoor patio tables set out for guests who want to buy and eat right away, and they pushed three together so all of them could sit at one gather.

O'Chunks was regaling them with tales of his exploits from the Glitz Pit, and the rest were listening with varying levels of interest, from rapt to nil.

"But it turns out," said O'Chunks, "that 'e wasn' there teh begin with! Can yeh imagine? An' us with the white paint all ready!" He slapped the table as he laughed, causing the hot dogs to jump.

"That's quite a story, O'Chunks," said Count Bleck. "It seems you've become accustomed to live in Glitzville."

"It's really somethin' 'ere, ennit?"

Dimentio was sitting across the table and was poking his hot dog with one extended finger. He picked it up with magic and examined it from all angles.

"It's a hot dog," said Nastasia. "Don't play with your food, just eat it."

"Of course," said Dimentio. "One has to wonder, though, with winnings such as our dear friend O'Chunks seems to have, why he takes us for such low-grade fare?" He was looking askance at O'Chunks when he said it.

"Mind your manners."

"Whaddaya mean? This 'ere's the best food yeh can get in this flying city... ah, maybe I don't manage me money like I should."

"You spent it all at the juice bar with kitty boos, didn't you?" said Mr. L.

"Aye."

"That can happen."

A beeping melody sounded, and right away Nastasia, Mr. L, Mimi, and Count Bleck looked down to their pockets. Count Bleck lifted up his Mailbox SP. "It was Count Bleck's," he said. Count Bleck checked the message, then pocketed it. "I shall return briefly." He pushed away and left the table.

"So," said Dimentio. "Although you're short on cash, it seems that you're winning a good many of your bouts. That's good. It would be terrible if you had no money and your career was through in addition. My my my, how sad that would be."

"Ah, I missed yer cruel mental games," said O'Chunks, giving him a friendly punch on the shoulder which sent him down to the pavement below. "An' I forgot how squishey yeh were. Sorry." He picked up Dimentio by the high collar and sat him back down.


	3. 13 dash 3

_I added something to Chapter 2, so be sure to re-read that if you already haven't. I'm not as good at this as I used to be. I don't feel like writing this as much as I used to, but when I come back after a while, I find that I've missed it a whole lot._

* * *

After dinner O'Chunks took them to see the evening fights, with a running commentary over them. He was a very good commentator, and even the least interested (ahem) found the fight at least vaguely compelling.

"Next in the ring," the announcer called (Jolene, though she had taken over many of Grubba's jobs, had chosen not to announce the matches in the rings- that job had been left to a loudmouthed Lakitu) "We have the lightweight but heavy-fisted Li'l Gon verses... oh, now this is interesting! It seems Li'l Gon is going up against his old ring partner, the Great Gonzales himself! What a match, folks, what a match!"

"Wait," said Tippi, "Mario mentioned once an old partner of his was a fighter in the Glitz Pit, but his name wasn't Li'l Gon."

"Keeping tabs on all of Mario's old partners, hm?" Nastasia straightened her glasses.

"You're an information pixl, you should know about this," Mimi added.

"I don't know everything ever," replied Tippi flatly.

"a-HA!" Mr. L pointed an accusing finger at her.

Tippi flicked her antennae. "Yes, you got me."

Satisfied, Mr. L explained to her, "Mario gave him a real name... I forget what it was... Yoshi, or Yoshter... or Bazooky, I don't know. He joined the Glitz Pit under the name The Great Gonzales Jr., but that was too much of a mouthful and the fans shortened it to Li'l Gon. I think he made if official sometime last year. I dunno."

Down on the ring, the Great Gonzales (or, rather, Mario) was up against a small but very energetic Yoshi It was punch against stomp, hammer against tongue, and the fans were loving it. When Li'l Gon pounded-the-ground on Gonzales's head, half the crowd cheered. When Gonzales pounded Li'l Gon into the floor with his hammer, the other half cheered.

"This is what I live fer," said O'Chunks. "A good fight like this, it does me good teh see!" After a particularly nice play, he thumped his fist against his palm. "Don't even matter who wins, yeh just gotta love it! Ain't that right, Count?"

There was no reply.

"Wait a minute," said Mr. L. "Something's wrong here."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Oh, yeah, okay, I see it now. Yeah, so, it looks like the Count didn't ever return from answering his page." Nastasia nodded. "Yeah, that's all."

"Um, we'd better go find him," suggested Mimi. In reality, she was just eager to get away from all the sweaty yelling people.

"Yeah, yeh can see a fight any day," said O'Chunks. "Not like this-- but I don't see the Count much as I used to."

A quick area check around dinner turned up nothing. Nastasia fired off a message to him, inquiring as to his location, and then they checked the hotel rooms.

"This is weird," said Mimi. "The last time this happened, he turned up brainwashed on Lavalava Island."

"Yeah, but we got to see Sherwood and Gary again," said Mr. L. "That was nice."

"Oh, yeah. We should give them a call sometime."

Nastasia cleared her throat. "Yeah, so, I have to ask this- Dimentio, did you do something to the Count?"

"I didn't, and I'm offended that you would ask."

"You can't be serious."

Dimentio shook his head and put a finger between his eyes, grinning the whole time. "Have I even done anything since I've been back? Your suspicion hurts me."

"Yes, you have, though."

O'Chunks checked the time. "Ah, I gotta be gettin' back. Jolene's got a sort of curfew fer the fighters, an' we never did clean up that mess like she asked us... when yeh see the Count, tell 'im ah said g'night."

"Check," said Nastasia. "He'll turn up soon enough."

* * *

After that, they went back to their hotel rooms. Tippi joined Mimi and Nastasia in the girl's room, and the three of them were having a very nice time.

"Okay, my turn," said Tippi.

"Right, then, truth or dare?"

"Um... um... truth."

"Very well then." Nastasia straightened her glasses. "Let's see... hm-m-m..."

"Was Count Bleck your first boyfriend?" Mimi blurted out.

Tippi went red all over her rainbow body. "Hey, now--uh-- I don't wanna-- I mean--- that's very personal!"

"Sorry, Tippi, those are the rules," said Mimi. "You said truth, so you gotta tell the truth."

"Yes, I agree with Mimi," said Nastasia.

Tippi hesitated, and then muttered, "No."

Mimi squealed with excitement. "Ooooh! Who was he? Who was he?"

"I don't wanna."

"Sorry," said Nastasia. "According to the rules, you have to elaborate."

Tippi sighed. "Okay. My first boyfriend was a regular human named Javrick. He was okay, nothing special."

"Was he cute?"

"Adorable."

Mimi squealed again.

"We used to go out to the lake, walk around and talk, nothing fancy. We just kinda drifted apart." She looked up "Am I done?"

"Yeah, you're done."

"Okay, now it's Nastasia's turn," said Mimi. "Nassy, truth or dare?"

Nastasia straightened her glasses. "Truth," she said.

"Okay!" Mimi licked her lips and giggled. She rubbed her little stick hands together and looked at Tippi, then said, "Okay, how do you really feel about O'Chunks?"

"Ah- hm." She opened her mouth but didn't answer.

"You have to," said Tippi. "If I remember correctly, those are the rules. Aren't they?"

"Well," said Nastasia, "to be perfectly honest--"

THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. A big meaty fist pounded on the door and O'Chunks called, "'Ey, open up! I need ta talk t'yeh!"

Nastasia sighed with relief and undid the lock on the door. "Keep it down, please, O'Chunks. What's the trouble?"

Before she even finished talking he was in the room. He sat down on one of the beds and pulled out his Mailbox SP. He flipped it open and shoved it into Nastasia's hands.

If you win the match tomorrow, you'll never see the Count again.

Tippi sat down on Mimi's head and they both looked at each other, and then to Nastasia and O'Chunks.

"Golly, that's... well..." Mimi shrugged. "Called it. I called it, donchya remember?"

"Oh, my," said Nastasia. "Your rival from the locker room? I was aware that trading barbs was traditional, but kidnapping and threats? That's very unsportsmanlike."

"'E always said 'ed settle 'is problems in the ring," said O'Chunks. "Never threw a punch unless it was in front of a live audience. I dunno what teh think."

"You stay right here, O'Chunks," said Nastasia. "I won't allow anything like this to happen in my organization. Yeah, I'm gonna go and have a meeting with Miss Jolene."

"I oughta come with," said O'Chunks. "I mean, on account'o it bein' about me match an' all."

"I suppose you're right."

"But Nassy," Mimi cut in, "what about--?"

"We'll have to finish our discussion later," said Nastasia, steering O'Chunks out. Behind his back, she pointed at him and mouthed, Not in front of him!

* * *

Nastasia tapped politely on the door to Jolene's office. Behind her O'Chunks shuffled impatiently. Tippi had come along, too, and was hovering behind the others.

"Who is it?" Jolene called.

"Yeah, it's Nastasia from Count Bleck's organization here on business about O'Chunks."

Jolene said, "Come in."

Nastasia stepped into the office. It was nice, but sparse- when Jolene was at work, she worked and didn't need any knicknaks or photos to brighten up the place. Right now she was at her desk going over fight rosters for the next week. When she saw the two she gestured at the empty seats near her desk.

"I've discovered something very disconcerting," said Nastasia, holding out O'Chunk's SP. "Yeah, so, it seems that one of your fighters is receiving threats concerning the championship match tomorrow and I've come to discuss the situation."

Jolene read the SP. "There's nothing to discuss," she said. "I will drill my fighters and find out if one of them is responsible. If they are, he'll be booted out."

"So, you're gonna get on that as soon as possible."

"I must warn you, if it's a gambler who placed a bad bet or a diehard fan of the Rawk, there's not anything I can do."

Nastasia straightened her glasses. "I see. And if it is a culprit from outside the ring, will you hold the fight until our Count is safe?"

"I'll file a delay," replied Jolene, straightening her glasses as well.

"There's no need," said Nastasia, pulling out a stack of papers from who knows where. "I've already filed a petition with the law enforcement of this city to hold the fight until the situation is resolved."

"Then you really didn't need to come down here."

"I certainly did."

"What th' 'eck just happened?" O'Chunks scratched his head.

"I think we just watched the most efficiant meeting in all of history," said Tippi. "Those two are scary."

* * *

After Nastasia and Tippi left, O'Chunks went down to the major-league locker room he knew Rawk Hawk was staying in. Although fighters generally weren't allowed in locker rooms that weren't their own, people had a hard time keeping O'Chunks from doing as he pleased. The blue carrot man stepped aside neatly before O'Chunks slammed the door open.

Rawk Hawk was the only one inside the locker room, aptly using the lockers. When he saw O'Chunks, he frowned and closed it. "What are you doing here?" he said. "Achin' that bad to feel the Rawk?"

"I came teh ask yeh if yeh sent this," he said, flipping his SP open.

Rawk Hawk skimmed it and scowled. "You think I'd do that? I thought you knew me better than that. How could you think such a thing."

"In't this yer return address?"

Rawk Hawk squinted. "Oh, hey, look at that!"

"Yer awful new at this, ain't yeh?"

"All I know how to do is fight," said Rawk Hawk. "But if I do it anywhere but here, I tend to get arrested. Man, Rawk Hawk can't go back to jail! It's boring there and it smells like wet cabbage."

"Jes' tell me where me Count is, an' I won't pummel yeh into prim puddin'. Got that?"

"Man, I don't know," said Rawk Hawk. "I mean, I sent the message but I got the syndicate to do the kidnapping. I told you, I'm new at this."

"Eh? The syndicate?"

"Yeah, you know, the Piantas. Some guys in here have connections, you know, so they told me to make a call. When they heard who I had, they were all too happy to help. Heck, they did it for free."

* * *

"The syndicate?" Nastasia repeated into the phone.

"'At's what 'e said," said O'Chunks. He was calling from the hallway in the Glitz Pit. "'Ad 'em take 'im away to who knows where. What'r yeh thinkin?"

"I'm thinking that I'm surprised you didn't pound him."

"I am, too, but like 'e said, yeh gotta save it fer the ring."

"I'm quite proud of you, actually."

"Eh... thanks."

* * *

Nastasia hung up the phone, forgetting to say goodbye. Dimentio and Mr. L had joined her in the girl's hotel room, after they'd been updated on what was going on.

"Huh," said Mr. L.

"If I recall correctly from your reports," said Nastasia, "your last incident with the Piantas did not go over well at all."

"No," said Mr. L. "They ran us out of town and swore to hunt us to the ends of the world."

"Are they still on that?" Mimi said, annoyed. "Wow, they've gotta learn to let things go once in a while. Sheesh."


	4. 13 dash 4

In all honesty, O'Chunks really did plan on beating the everloving tar out of Rawk Hawk- he just didn't do it right at that very moment, because he had a phone call to make. Right now he was standing in the doorway, one arm blocking between the doorframe, and one googly eye fixed on Rawk Hawk (the other one was staring at the ceiling, but he couldn't help that.)

"We can't go to th' syndicate," said O'Chunks.

"Oh, boo, hoo," said Rawk Hawk. "Whaddaya want from me?"

"I want me Count back, but I'll settle fer takin' it outta yer feathers."

Rawk Hawk pounded his fists together. "Why wait until the fight? Let's settle this right here, right now."

* * *

"Nassy, where ya goin'?" Mimi asked, sitting up on the bed. Nastasia was unpacking a coat- it gets very cold at night, especially so many miles up in the sky. It looked like a lovely stole made out of the soft hair of a baby Muth, and Mimi wondered briefly why she'd never seen it before.

"I have to go find O'Chunks," said Nastasia.

"Whyzat?"

"Because if there are witnesses, he may decide not to kill him."

"Please, allow me to accompany you," said Dimentio.

"Hey, what?" Mr. L looked up. "I thought we were playing Scrabble."

Nastasia gestured. "I'm leaving now. If you're coming, well, it's now or never."

"You're _bringing _him?!"

Nastasia opened the door and gestured out. "Um, if anyone's coming, then, let's get a move on now, 'k?"

* * *

The fight fans were out in droves when Nastasia and the rest got to the Glitz Pit, as it had been earlier. She sent Mimi and Mr. L to the seats O'Chunks had reserved for them. It was understood that Tippi would with her to find O'Chunks, and Nastasia didn't dream of telling Dimentio what to do.

Two security guards came into the room the second before the smackdown started. If they had even aimed one blow, the adrenaline would have hit the Point of No Return, and the fight would be unstoppable. In that case, it would be over for them. Fighting amongst fighters outside the ring was strictly prohibited.

As it were, they were led to the ring. It was better this way- a grudge match brought out the moves and dynamic that fight fans craved in excess. They were in for a treat tonight.

Nastasia used her hypnosis to gain easy access back into the locker room.

"Hello?"

Without O'Chunks and Rawk Hawk, it was empty of fighters. She stepped into the room and looked around. "Hello?" she called again, a bit more wary.

Dimentio floated into the room, expressing mild curiosity. "It seems your hunch was wrong."

"The fight's started," said Tippi, coming in now after trailing behind. "So they're taking it out in the ring."

"Thank goodness," said Nastasia.

Jolene entered the room. "I thought something was wrong," she commented upon seeing them. "If you have no business being in the locker rooms, it's strictly prohibited."

Nastasia adjusted her glasses, about to take them off but catching a nonverbal warning from Tippi. She thought the better of it and said, "We're trying to settle this business with our Count, if you don't mind."

Jolene was about to respond, but she leaned to the side and looked over Nastasia's shoulder, glaring. Nastasia turned around and saw a locker half open with dirty laundry spilling out.

"That's it," she said. "I told them that if they didn't clean up after themselves, they would loose their privileges." She went over to one of the lockers, opened it with her master key, and took out a Gameboy. Then she opened up the next one and removed a Nintendo DS. She stepped to the side and opened the next one--

--and Count Bleck tumbled out, upside down, landing sprawled on his back on the floor. He sat up right away, looking around wildly and perplexed. The way he rubbed his eye, it was apparent that he was just waking up.

"Hello, what's this? Asked Count Bleck."

"...How long have you been in there?" Jolene was more or less shell-shocked.

Count Bleck stood up and adjusted himself. "I'm sorry, Count Bleck isn't wearing a watch right now."

"Oh... I see."

She turned around to Nastasia and said, "Well, that's that. There's really no need to bring any legal matters in, now, is there? After all, everything turned out just fine..."

"Were you sleeping in there, Count?" asked Nastasia.

"It is... possible that I was in fact sleeping, yes."

"Ah huh."

"I was quite tired, you see."

"I _can _see that."

* * *

O'Chunks grabbed Rawk Hawk by the ankles and spun him around. Wind up, spin him around two, three, four, five times! Then let him fly, bouncing off the ropes around the ring. Bam!

Rawk Hawk jumped to his feet and lept up to hang on one of the lighting fixtures. O'Chunks propelled himself upwards as well, and pounded the ground. Rawk Hawk was knocked loose and fell to the ground.

O'Chunks struck a pose.

Rawk Hawk got up. "Oh, this isn't over yet," he said. "I'm not even--"

O'Chunks leaned his weight on his right foot and looked around Rawk Hawk. "Eh? Whuzzat?"

"I said that this isn't over yet," said Rawk Hawk.

"Not you."

In the doorway, milling and looking around, was Count Bleck. Nastasia was next to him. She adjusted her glasses and waved to O'Chunks.

Without a second thought, O'Chunks pushed Rawk Hawk out of the way, vaulted over the perimiter, waded through the crowd, and joined Count Bleck. "Count, yer alright!"

"Yes. Count Bleck was simply taking a locker nap, apparently."

"I was jus'... y'know, avenging yer attack, an'..." He dropped to his knees and wailed, "Ah, Count, I failed yeh again."

"You are not in Count Bleck's service. It's not your job to protect me anymore."

"But that ain't what I want, Count. I see it now. Yeah, I been havin' fun 'ere an' all, but this ain't what I want outta life. "It took you bein' snatched an' me tryin' to aveng ya teh make me see it." He looked up into his former leader's face. " "Please, Count, yeh gotta take me back."

Count Bleck nodded approvingly.

"You knew this would happen," said Nastasia.

Count Bleck continued nodding.

"O'Chunks, please stand up." When O'Chunks obeyed, Count Bleck continued. "Do you see now, O'Chunks? It matters not whether you succeed or fail, as long as you're doing what you know you need to do, or what you truly wish to do. Never feel that you failed Count Bleck. Never, never feel that."

From the ring, Rawk Hawk waved his arm and called, "Hey? Are we still fighting or what? I don't got all day!"

Jolene was standing in the owner's box. She held up a binder and said, "According to the official fight rules, stepping out of the ring incites and out-of-bounds, which is an immediate loss." She straightened her glasses. "That means Rawk Hawk wins on a technicality."

Rawk Hawk pumped his fist in the air. "Whoo! Technicality! Yeah! I RAWK!"

* * *

Several weeks later, Count Bleck was relaxing in his study with Tippi. Together, they were reading an old book of epic poetry. Nearby, a white-outlined black fire crackled in the fireplace.

"And laid him on the cliff to rest  
Now born as of the land  
Death had claimed another one  
A valiant warrior's quest now done  
And now he dwells within the sun  
By God at His command

Count Bleck paused to take in the meaning of the last passage. He rested his head against the back of the chair, eyes closed, taking a deep breath, and sighing peacefully. "This is one of my favorites," he told Tippi. "And what quiet, peaceful day to enjoy such a fine work of art and literature."

"It certainly is," Tippi replied. "It won't last."

Count Bleck went back to the book. He cleared his throat and continued:

"She held his head upon her breast

And wept so--"

The door to the study opened and O'Chunks was standing in the doorway beaming, with Mr. L at his side.

"Told you," said Tippi.

"I never doubted you, Timpani." Count Bleck put the book aside. "How may I help you?"

"We're reporting in," said Mr. L. "Our mission is over."

Count Bleck clapped his hands together. "Wonderful! How did it go?"

"We failed," said O'Chunks, still beaming.

"Oh?"

"Yeah," said Mr. L. "See, I was busy stomping the houses of the bad Koopas with Brobot--"

"An' I was pummelin' thugs left an' right."

"Yeah, he was pummeling. Then they brought out this huge koopa who was, like, twice his size."

"I tried teh tip 'im over, an' he beat the stuffin' outta me. I ain't as muscly as I was before, but I'm workin' on it. I got right chunked."

"Yeah, we got our butts beat but bad."

They both looked at Count Bleck, pleased.

Count Bleck rubbed between his eyes. "I'm glad that you both seem to have high self-esteem," he said truthfully. "I'm glad you learned something from this. Most of all, I'm glad that you're about to leave so that me and Timpani can finish The Odyssey of Ilmar Koopa."

They took the hint and left. Count Bleck looked up at Tippi. "Very well. Now that that's over, let's enjoy the quiet."

She nodded, and looked down into the book.

"Go ahead and say it," said Count Bleck.

Tippi grinned. "It won't last."


End file.
